I mentioned the other day that here in Portugal we’re now in a State of Calamity.
I also mentioned that I didn’t really know what that meant, so I had a root around on the Internet:
Apparently, small shops of less than 200m2 can open but aren’t allowed to have more than 5 customers per 100m2.
I’m not sure how many you’re allowed to have if your shop is only 80m2, but I do know that masks are compulsory for all customers – as opposed to the advice provided to me by an elderly English Gentleman a few days ago. He told me it was just advisory.
He’s probably been locked up by now…
People are allowed to use public transportation, but I think this is only to get to work, and only if they can’t work remotely. Also, transport can only run to two-thirds of capacity – and masks are compulsory for all customers.
I read that all public services are open to everyone, but you must have an appointment and you must wear a mask.
I have no idea if this includes the IPO centre (roadworthiness testing for cars, the Portuguese equivalent of the MOT). Mine is due this month, so I sense a little bit more investigation is required.
Physical exercise is allowed, but only outdoors – gyms remain closed. However, I still have no idea if this includes swimming in the sea…
Libraries are open – I presume with limitations as to the number of people allowed in and with mask-wearing compulsory.
I’ve also been told that people are allowed to gather in groups, but with no more than ten people in any one group.
But does that mean that I can gather in ten different groups of ten people in any given day (not that I know that many people), so gathering with 100 people in effect? Who bloody knows…?
I’m not sure that this directive has been thought through fully…
And then we come to the most important one – the one that everyone I know has been waiting for!
Barbers and hair salons are now open!
Masks are compulsory, and you must make an appointment: I think I mentioned the other day that my friend Terry found himself 87th in the queue – not a good place to be with hair going awry!
And mine is certainly going awry. It’s been two months since I had it cut – I normally have it done every month.
So, am I going to make an appointment? I’m not sure that my Portuguese is up to it, and I’m definitely sure that I wouldn’t be able to make the barber understand what I want: “Number three on the back and sides, tidied up and thinned out on top please!” My Portuguese really doesn’t stretch that far.
But I have a plan.
Stuff the barbers! I’m going to buy some clippers!
I looked at them in Jumbo and was so confused by the variety available that I bailed out at the last moment. But now? I’m steadfast in my resolve! I’m going to buy clippers! My hair cannot carry on like this!
I head to Jumbo, park in the basement car park, slip on my mask and head up the escalator to the shop.
I know where the clippers are, so in no time at all, I find myself in front of the vast array of beard trimmers, body groomers, electric razors, and… and hair clippers!
I have my glasses with me so that I can read the small print.
There are 5 different choices for hair clippers, so I pick each one up individually and start reading.
I really didn’t know how complicated this was: do I want to do eyebrows? Do I want to do nasal hair, ears? Do I want fast charging? Slow charging? Do I want long battery life? Short battery life? Do I want…
I give up, although not completely. The one thing I do know is that I don’t want a No 1 – I want to cut my hair, but not so short that it looks like I’m in the military.
So I ignore everything apart from the length of hair that will be left after using the clippers.
20mm seems to be the average, but there is one that allows for 30mm! Better to be safe than sorry!
So I think that I’ve just found what I want – but it doesn’t have a price…
I go looking for a shop assistant.
There seem to be lots of assistants on the tills and stacking the shelves, but only one dealing with customers.
I approach – making sure that I don’t go too close – and wait.
He’s dealing with a couple of girls who are looking at phones. This could be a long wait, I think…
But it’s not too bad, although there’s a moment of excitement when a French lady walks up to him and starts asking questions, despite the fact that he’s serving someone and I’m already waiting to see him… some people…
Anyway, she gets the information she wants, the shop assistant finishes with the girls, and he accommodates me by getting the price – €57.99.
Blimey, that’s more than I was expecting!
But I sell it to myself – three haircuts in the UK and I’ll be saving money!
I buy it, and head straight home to charge it and sort out my Barnet.
Barnet? Cockney rhyming slang for hair in case you were wondering, although I’ve never known why (just looked it up – Barnet Fair/Hair. So there you go…).
The clippers are almost charged already – they’re on 80%. I decide to charge them fully anyway, so plug them in and wait until they’re on 100%.
In the meantime, I put a towel on the floor (I’ve thought this through! To catch the hair obviously), grab a small shaving mirror (which I position alongside the towel) and read the instructions. All looks fairly straightforward.
Soon enough, I’m bent over the towel, with the clippers in my hand, set to 30mm.
“Here goes nothing!” I think.
I flick the switch and go for a big swipe down the middle of my head.
Eh?
Hardly anything comes off. I try a couple more times, with the same result.
I fiddle with the clippers – down to 25mm.
Still no joy.
Down to 20mm.
That’s better! Big clumps of hair start to fall to the towel – depressingly grey hair, but that’s another story.
I set about the job in hand with gusto, even braving going down to 1mm to tidy up around my ears and sideburns.
When I’ve finished, I take a good look in the mirror. It’s not great, but it’s one hell of a lot better than I was expecting, and one hell of a lot better than my hair had been ten minutes ago! Maybe this really is the way forward! It could save me a fortune!
My only concern is around the back – I don’t have too much control there, and can’t really see what I’m doing.
Maybe when I eventually get back to the UK I can let Sue have a go – or maybe even Lexi!
Blimey, now that’s a scary thought…
If you want to read more about my experiences during the Coronavirus lockdown of 2020, click on the logo below – this will take you to viralchitchat.com
